We're here today with film star Natalie Portman. Now, Natalie, the last time you were here, I heard things got a little out of control. Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then. But... I've matured a lot. Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you? Okay, ya bish. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman ******* your husband and his best friend just for sport, man Mess around and made this same song twice Here's bosh now eat your condos, leave is right You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!) Xannies dissolving in my Pinot My man dance, but he's not a ballerino Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though Wrap a good burrito Tide Pods only ******* thing I snack on Black out and go mother******* Black Swan Ooh these dudes I slash 'em fix your past your boy I come upside your head with my ************* NASCAR boy My Brain gone off that ******* Ayahuasca, boy Tell your tourist parents I'ma turn you into a foster boy! Wow, I gotta say it seems like You're almost exactly the same, But with current references. Untrue. I'm a mother now. It's really changed my perspective. And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career? You can juggle these nuts. What? I don't dance now, I make mommy moves When I gave birth, I didn't even push I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor They say I'm ***-positive Hell yeah, I'm positive That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative" Tell me why Ha, I guess I'm showing my age Now bend over and spread them because you about to get ******* (Damn!) Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, Have you seen the new Star Wars movies? No Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than... Better than what? *************t Say something 'bout the mother******* prequels, *************! (They were good!) Say something ******* nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?) Now kiss him right on his seventeen *************s (What?) While I sit dead on your face and take a *************t Oh, Natalie... Yeah? Please come meet your baby He cries himself to sleep every night That little *************t ain't mine! Oh, Natalie... What? It's been twelve long years Shut the ************* up! And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life! You're a mess, Carl. Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Natalie, one last question—do you think those "Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? AH! How's that for impact? Well, actually — oh, no. No more questions.
[00:00.71]We're here today with film star Natalie Portman. [00:03.19]Now, Natalie, the last time you were here, [00:05.40]I heard things got a little out of control. [00:07.26]Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then. [00:09.30]But... I've matured a lot. [00:10.78]Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you? [00:13.02]Okay, ya bish. [00:13.86]I'm sorry, what? [00:14.57]Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman [00:17.88]******* your husband and his best friend just for sport, man [00:20.54]Mess around and made this same song twice [00:23.19]Here's bosh now eat your condos, leave is right [00:26.67]You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait [00:28.99]Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!) [00:31.93]Xannies dissolving in my Pinot [00:34.83]My man dance, but he's not a ballerino [00:37.69]Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though [00:41.98]Wrap a good burrito [00:43.28]Tide Pods only ******* thing I snack on [00:46.21]Black out and go mother******* Black Swan [00:49.42]Ooh these dudes I slash 'em fix your past your boy [00:52.36]I come upside your head with my ************* NASCAR boy [00:55.12]My Brain gone off that ******* Ayahuasca, boy [00:57.99]Tell your tourist parents [00:59.04]I'ma turn you into a foster boy! [01:00.91]Wow, I gotta say it seems like [01:02.58]You're almost exactly the same, [01:04.34]But with current references. [01:05.75]Untrue. I'm a mother now. [01:07.40]It's really changed my perspective. [01:08.79]And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career? [01:11.20]You can juggle these nuts. [01:12.41]What? [01:12.85]I don't dance now, I make mommy moves [01:15.04]When I gave birth, I didn't even push [01:18.11]I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush [01:21.00]And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor [01:26.74]They say I'm ***-positive [01:28.84]Hell yeah, I'm positive [01:30.30]That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative" [01:33.13]Tell me why [01:35.17]Ha, I guess I'm showing my age [01:37.21]Now bend over and spread them because you about to get ******* [01:40.03](Damn!) [01:40.52]Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, [01:42.98]Have you seen the new Star Wars movies? [01:44.51]No [01:44.93]Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than... [01:46.56]Better than what? [01:47.15]*************t [01:49.09]Say something 'bout the mother******* prequels, [01:52.61]*************! (They were good!) [01:53.56]Say something ******* nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?) [01:57.53]Now kiss him right on his seventeen *************s (What?) [02:01.11]While I sit dead on your face and take a *************t [02:04.58]Oh, Natalie... Yeah? [02:09.43]Please come meet your baby [02:13.10]He cries himself to sleep every night [02:16.61]That little *************t ain't mine! [02:18.19]Oh, Natalie... What? [02:20.80]It's been twelve long years [02:23.65]Shut the ************* up! [02:24.73]And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life! [02:29.57]You're a mess, Carl. [02:30.80]Okay, well, that's all the time we have. [02:33.53]Natalie, one last question—do you think those [02:36.09]"Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? AH! [02:39.62]How's that for impact? [02:41.21]Well, actually — oh, no. [02:44.74]No more questions.
