I wonder what he'll think of me I guess he'll call me "the old man" I guess he'll think I can lick Ev'ry other fella's father Well, I can I bet that he turns out to be The spittin' image of his dad But he'll have more common sense Than his puddin'-headed father ever had I'll teach him to wrassle and dive through a wave When we go in the morning for our swim His mother can teach him the way to behave But she won't make a sissy out o' him Not him! Not my boy! Not Bill Bill. I will see that he is named after me, I will My boy, Bill, he'll be tall and tough as a tree, will Bill Like a tree he'll grow with his head held high And his feet planted firm on the ground And you won't see nobody dare to try to boss or toss him around No pot-bellied, baggy-eyed bully'll boss him around I don't give a damn what he does as long as he does what he likes He can sit on his tail or work on a rail with a hammer and hammer in spikes He can ferry a boat on a river or peddle a pack on his back Or work up and down the streets of a town with a whip and a horse and a hack He can haul a scow along a canal Run a cow around a corral Or maybe bark for a carousel Of course, it takes talent to do that well He might be a champ of the heavyweights Or a fella that sells you glue Or President of the United States That'd be all right, too Spoken His mother would like that, but he wouldn't be President unless he wanted to be Not Bill My boy, Bill he'll be tall and as tough as a tree, will Bill Like a tree he'll grow with his head held high And his feet planted firm on the ground And you won't see nobody dare to try to boss or toss him around No fat-bottomed, flabby-faced, pot-bellied, baggy-eyed bully'll boss him around And I'll be damned if he'll marry his boss's daughter A skinny-lipped virgin with blood like water Who'll give him a peck and call it a kiss And look in his eyes through a *lorgnette* Hey, why am I takin' on like this? My kid ain't even been born yet I can see him when he's seventeen or so And startin' in to go with a girl I can give him lots of pointers Very sound, on the way to get 'round any girl I can tell him Wait a minute Could it be? What the hell What if he is a girl? You can have fun with a son But you got to be a father to a girl She mighn't be so bad, at that A kid with ribbons in her hair A kind of neat and petite little tin-type of her mother What a pair My little girl, pink and white as peaches and cream is she My little girl is half again as bright as girls were meant to be Dozens of boys pursue her, many a likely lad Does what he can to woo her from her faithful dad She has a few pink and white young fellas of two and three But my little girl gets hungry ev'ry night and she comes home to me I gotta get ready before she comes Gotta make certain that she won't be dragged up in slums with a lot o' bums like me She's gotta be sheltered and fed and dressed in the best that money can buy I never knew how to get money but, I'll try, by God! I'll try I'll go out and make it or steal it Or take it or die
I wonder what he'll think of me I guess he'll call me "the old man" I guess he'll think I can lick Ev'ry other fella's father Well, I can I bet that he turns out to be The spittin' image of his dad But he'll have more common sense Than his puddin'-headed father ever had I'll teach him to wrassle and dive through a wave When we go in the morning for our swim His mother can teach him the way to behave But she won't make a sissy out o' him Not him! Not my boy! Not Bill Bill. I will see that he is named after me, I will My boy, Bill, he'll be tall and tough as a tree, will Bill Like a tree he'll grow with his head held high And his feet planted firm on the ground And you won't see nobody dare to try to boss or toss him around No pot-bellied, baggy-eyed bully'll boss him around I don't give a damn what he does as long as he does what he likes He can sit on his tail or work on a rail with a hammer and hammer in spikes He can ferry a boat on a river or peddle a pack on his back Or work up and down the streets of a town with a whip and a horse and a hack He can haul a scow along a canal Run a cow around a corral Or maybe bark for a carousel Of course, it takes talent to do that well He might be a champ of the heavyweights Or a fella that sells you glue Or President of the United States That'd be all right, too Spoken His mother would like that, but he wouldn't be President unless he wanted to be Not Bill My boy, Bill he'll be tall and as tough as a tree, will Bill Like a tree he'll grow with his head held high And his feet planted firm on the ground And you won't see nobody dare to try to boss or toss him around No fat-bottomed, flabby-faced, pot-bellied, baggy-eyed bully'll boss him around And I'll be damned if he'll marry his boss's daughter A skinny-lipped virgin with blood like water Who'll give him a peck and call it a kiss And look in his eyes through a *lorgnette* Hey, why am I takin' on like this? My kid ain't even been born yet I can see him when he's seventeen or so And startin' in to go with a girl I can give him lots of pointers Very sound, on the way to get 'round any girl I can tell him Wait a minute Could it be? What the hell What if he is a girl? You can have fun with a son But you got to be a father to a girl She mighn't be so bad, at that A kid with ribbons in her hair A kind of neat and petite little tin-type of her mother What a pair My little girl, pink and white as peaches and cream is she My little girl is half again as bright as girls were meant to be Dozens of boys pursue her, many a likely lad Does what he can to woo her from her faithful dad She has a few pink and white young fellas of two and three But my little girl gets hungry ev'ry night and she comes home to me I gotta get ready before she comes Gotta make certain that she won't be dragged up in slums with a lot o' bums like me She's gotta be sheltered and fed and dressed in the best that money can buy I never knew how to get money but, I'll try, by God! I'll try I'll go out and make it or steal it Or take it or die
