[1st verse:] I hate to brag about my fam'ly but I must say that My father is the greatest man who ever wore a hat He always took things easy in an easy sort of way And when it came to taking things, just kindly let me say
[1st chorus:] No one could do it like my father! Ever clever, stunning, cunning father! Other men might do the same But when it came to make a name No one could do it like my dad!
[2nd verse:] At keeping servant girls, my father always was an ace! He had a certain way to keep the ladies in their place Their place was in the kitchen and his place to keep them there I don't know how he did it but I really must declare
[2nd chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Servants liked the cops, of course So father joined the police force No one could do it like my dad
[3rd verse:] One night papa went in to see that great Salome dance You talk about attention, say! he gave her ev'ry glance He has my mother dancing now, her brain is in a whirl And only here last week he came home with a string of pearls
[3rd chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Now he always stays at home Mama has learned that dance Salome No one could do it like my dad
[4th verse:] My mother weighs three hundred pounds but don't give it away She bought a brand new sheath gown and she wore it yesterday My father showed his dignity when mother showed her sock Then just to make the two ends meet he used a big padlock
[4th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Neighbor Jones and his neighbor Lee Are hunting for my father's key And no one could do it like my dad
[5th verse:] I haven't told you how my father and my mother wed She was an old maid, he a burglar underneath her bed She flashed a gun at father and said, "I must be your wife" My father wears a medal now for saving someone's life
[5th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Mother thinks a lot of pa But father drinks to think of ma And no one could do it like my dad
[6th chorus:] The other night when pa came home, he found to his surprise The iceman and my mother on the sofa making eyes He did not get excited, no! not one word did he say But when the iceman's bill came due, papa refused to pay
[6th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Father proved he was no slouch He fooled them all when he sold the couch And no one could do it like my dad
[7th verse:] When father went to school they tell me he was very bad They also say he had a purpose to make teacher mad She'd make him stay in after school and pa would ne'er refuse For when it came to helping teacher tie her dainty shoes:
[7th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Teacher knew a thing or two She always wore a low cut shoe No one could do it like my dad
[8th verse:] We lived right by a railway station not so far from here And father would make faces at the passing engineers They'd all throw coal at father, yes they would upon my soul And when the winter came around we never needed coal
[8th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father First he got coal one by one And now he sells it by the ton And no one could do it like my dad
[9th verse:] Around election time my father never knows his name Sometimes it's Breen, or Smith, or Green, Gilhouley or McShane Then other times it's Harrigan, O'Connor, or O'Dell They ought to call him "Winchester" 'cause he repeats so well
[9th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father When you see him change his coat You know that means another vote And no one could do it like my dad
[1st verse:] I hate to brag about my fam'ly but I must say that My father is the greatest man who ever wore a hat He always took things easy in an easy sort of way And when it came to taking things, just kindly let me say
[1st chorus:] No one could do it like my father! Ever clever, stunning, cunning father! Other men might do the same But when it came to make a name No one could do it like my dad!
[2nd verse:] At keeping servant girls, my father always was an ace! He had a certain way to keep the ladies in their place Their place was in the kitchen and his place to keep them there I don't know how he did it but I really must declare
[2nd chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Servants liked the cops, of course So father joined the police force No one could do it like my dad
[3rd verse:] One night papa went in to see that great Salome dance You talk about attention, say! he gave her ev'ry glance He has my mother dancing now, her brain is in a whirl And only here last week he came home with a string of pearls
[3rd chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Now he always stays at home Mama has learned that dance Salome No one could do it like my dad
[4th verse:] My mother weighs three hundred pounds but don't give it away She bought a brand new sheath gown and she wore it yesterday My father showed his dignity when mother showed her sock Then just to make the two ends meet he used a big padlock
[4th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Neighbor Jones and his neighbor Lee Are hunting for my father's key And no one could do it like my dad
[5th verse:] I haven't told you how my father and my mother wed She was an old maid, he a burglar underneath her bed She flashed a gun at father and said, "I must be your wife" My father wears a medal now for saving someone's life
[5th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Mother thinks a lot of pa But father drinks to think of ma And no one could do it like my dad
[6th chorus:] The other night when pa came home, he found to his surprise The iceman and my mother on the sofa making eyes He did not get excited, no! not one word did he say But when the iceman's bill came due, papa refused to pay
[6th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Father proved he was no slouch He fooled them all when he sold the couch And no one could do it like my dad
[7th verse:] When father went to school they tell me he was very bad They also say he had a purpose to make teacher mad She'd make him stay in after school and pa would ne'er refuse For when it came to helping teacher tie her dainty shoes:
[7th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father Teacher knew a thing or two She always wore a low cut shoe No one could do it like my dad
[8th verse:] We lived right by a railway station not so far from here And father would make faces at the passing engineers They'd all throw coal at father, yes they would upon my soul And when the winter came around we never needed coal
[8th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father First he got coal one by one And now he sells it by the ton And no one could do it like my dad
[9th verse:] Around election time my father never knows his name Sometimes it's Breen, or Smith, or Green, Gilhouley or McShane Then other times it's Harrigan, O'Connor, or O'Dell They ought to call him "Winchester" 'cause he repeats so well
[9th chorus:] No one could do it like my father Ever clever, stunning, cunning father When you see him change his coat You know that means another vote And no one could do it like my dad
