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  • I pounded on a farmhouse
    Lookin' for a place to stay
    I was mighty, mighty tired
    I had come a long, long way
    I said, "Hey, hey, in there
    Is there anybody home ?
    I was standin' on the steps
    Feelin' must alone
    Well, out comes a farmer
    He must have thought that I was nuts
    He immediately looked at me
    And stuck a gun into my guts
    I fell down
    To my bended knees
    Saying, "I dig farmers
    Don't shoot me please"
    He cocked his rifle
    And began to shout
    "You're that travelin' salesman
    That I have heard about"v I said, "No ! No ! No !
    I'm a doctor and it's true
    I'm a clean-cut kid
    And I been to college too".
    Then in comes his daughter
    Whose name was Rita
    She looked like she stepped out of
    La Dolce Vita
    I immediately tried to cool it
    With her dad
    And told him what a
    Nice, pretty farm he had
    He said, "What do doctors
    Know about farms, pray tell ?"
    I said, "I was born
    At the bottom of a wishing well".
    Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails
    I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
    He said "I guess, you're tired"
    He said, kinds sly
    I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles
    Today I drove"
    He said, "I got a bed for you
    Underneath the stove
    Just one condition
    You got to sleep right now
    That you don't touch my daughter
    And in the morning, milk the cow".
    I was sleepin' like a rat
    When I heard something jerkin'
    There stood Rita
    Lookin' just like Tony Perkins
    She said, "Would you like to take a shower ?
    I'll show you up to the door"
    I said, "Oh, no, no
    I've been through this movie before
    I knew I had to split
    But I didn't know how
    When she said,
    "Would you like to take that shower now ?"
    Well, I couldn't leave
    Unless the old man chased me out
    'Cause I'd already promised
    That I'd milk his cows
    I had to say something
    To strike him very weird
    So I yelled out
    "I like Fidel Castro and his beard"
    Rita looked offended
    But she got out of the way
    As he came charging down the stairs
    Sayin', "What's that I heard you say ?"
    I said, "I like Fidel Castrov I think you heard me right"
    And I ducked as he swung
    At me with all his might
    Rita mumbled something
    'Bout her mother on the hill
    As his fist hit the icebox
    He said he's going to kill me
    If I don't get out of the door
    In two seconds flat
    "Your unpatriotic
    Rotten doctor Commie rat".
    Well, he threw a Reader's Digest
    At my head and I did run
    I did a somersault
    As I seen him get his gun
    And chrashed through the window
    At a hundred miles an hour
    And landed fully blast
    In his garden flowers
    Rita said, "Come back"
    As he started to load
    The sun was comin' up
    And I was runnin' down the road.
    Well, I don't figure I'll be back
    There for a spell
    Even though Rita moved away
    And got a job in a motel
    He still waits for me
    Constant on the sky
    He wants to turn me in
    To the FBI
    Me, I romp and stomping
    Thankful as a romp
    Without freedom of speech
    I might be in the swamp.
  • I pounded on a farmhouse
    Lookin' for a place to stay
    I was mighty, mighty tired
    I had come a long, long way
    I said, "Hey, hey, in there
    Is there anybody home ?
    I was standin' on the steps
    Feelin' must alone
    Well, out comes a farmer
    He must have thought that I was nuts
    He immediately looked at me
    And stuck a gun into my guts
    I fell down
    To my bended knees
    Saying, "I dig farmers
    Don't shoot me please"
    He cocked his rifle
    And began to shout
    "You're that travelin' salesman
    That I have heard about"v I said, "No ! No ! No !
    I'm a doctor and it's true
    I'm a clean-cut kid
    And I been to college too".
    Then in comes his daughter
    Whose name was Rita
    She looked like she stepped out of
    La Dolce Vita
    I immediately tried to cool it
    With her dad
    And told him what a
    Nice, pretty farm he had
    He said, "What do doctors
    Know about farms, pray tell ?"
    I said, "I was born
    At the bottom of a wishing well".
    Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails
    I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
    He said "I guess, you're tired"
    He said, kinds sly
    I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles
    Today I drove"
    He said, "I got a bed for you
    Underneath the stove
    Just one condition
    You got to sleep right now
    That you don't touch my daughter
    And in the morning, milk the cow".
    I was sleepin' like a rat
    When I heard something jerkin'
    There stood Rita
    Lookin' just like Tony Perkins
    She said, "Would you like to take a shower ?
    I'll show you up to the door"
    I said, "Oh, no, no
    I've been through this movie before
    I knew I had to split
    But I didn't know how
    When she said,
    "Would you like to take that shower now ?"
    Well, I couldn't leave
    Unless the old man chased me out
    'Cause I'd already promised
    That I'd milk his cows
    I had to say something
    To strike him very weird
    So I yelled out
    "I like Fidel Castro and his beard"
    Rita looked offended
    But she got out of the way
    As he came charging down the stairs
    Sayin', "What's that I heard you say ?"
    I said, "I like Fidel Castrov I think you heard me right"
    And I ducked as he swung
    At me with all his might
    Rita mumbled something
    'Bout her mother on the hill
    As his fist hit the icebox
    He said he's going to kill me
    If I don't get out of the door
    In two seconds flat
    "Your unpatriotic
    Rotten doctor Commie rat".
    Well, he threw a Reader's Digest
    At my head and I did run
    I did a somersault
    As I seen him get his gun
    And chrashed through the window
    At a hundred miles an hour
    And landed fully blast
    In his garden flowers
    Rita said, "Come back"
    As he started to load
    The sun was comin' up
    And I was runnin' down the road.
    Well, I don't figure I'll be back
    There for a spell
    Even though Rita moved away
    And got a job in a motel
    He still waits for me
    Constant on the sky
    He wants to turn me in
    To the FBI
    Me, I romp and stomping
    Thankful as a romp
    Without freedom of speech
    I might be in the swamp.

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