I didn't have the energy I didn't have the words to check myself on any further every time I try to pick up my body I feel like I was picking up a corpse I laid in my bed and content letting myself to carry away I wasn't afraid anymore not of death because that's never being something that ever bother me or cause me discomfort I was no longer afraid to look at my parents' eyes and without them saying a word knowing they were disappointed at me I was no longer afraid of letting myself down everything lacked luster everything lacked colour everything around me just start fading out like I was me drowned and it was me who was drowning myself what's the point I'd lay on the ground for hours and ask myself that what's the point of succeeding just die a few years later and all mean nothing what's the point to being happy about that if it doesn't last forever but then I thought why do you think need to last forever for them to be meaningful I was expecting too much I wanted to always be happy and have things alway going good but that's so unrealistic so instead of drowning on the fact of life that can't be changed why not...why not... why not enjoy that five minutes of happiness why not try to make my life out of something I am interested in and none of these things would last forever but I want them why is there need to be a deeper meaning than that why not doing things because you want to I still struggle sometimes there's days where I feel like my body could crumble at anytime but I made this choice to stop depriving myself I made the choice to live
[00:04.64]I didn't have the energy [00:08.71]I didn't have the words to check myself on any further [00:16.86]every time I try to pick up my body [00:19.45]I feel like I was picking up a corpse [00:22.58]I laid in my bed and content [00:23.70]letting myself to carry away [00:29.10]I wasn't afraid anymore [00:31.50]not of death because that's never being something that ever bother me or cause me discomfort [00:37.80]I was no longer afraid to look at my parents' eyes [00:41.27]and without them saying a word knowing they were disappointed at me [00:46.75]I was no longer afraid of letting myself down [00:53.70]everything lacked luster everything lacked colour [00:57.10]everything around me just start fading out [00:59.76]like I was me drowned [01:01.77]and it was me who was drowning myself [01:06.34]what's the point [01:08.44]I'd lay on the ground for hours and ask myself that what's the point of succeeding [01:12.85]just die a few years later and all mean nothing [01:18.31]what's the point to being happy about that if it doesn't last forever [01:29.77]but then I thought [01:32.16]why do you think need to last forever for them to be meaningful [01:36.95]I was expecting too much [01:42.63]I wanted to always be happy [01:44.92]and have things alway going good [01:46.70]but that's so unrealistic [01:55.70]so instead of drowning on the fact of life that can't be changed [02:00.22]why not...why not... [02:07.18]why not enjoy that five minutes of happiness [02:09.67]why not try to make my life out of something I am interested in [02:13.32]and none of these things would last forever [02:15.36]but I want them [02:16.00]why is there need to be a deeper meaning than that [02:19.62]why not doing things because you want to [02:23.34]I still struggle sometimes there's days where I feel like my body could crumble at anytime [02:28.42]but I made this choice to stop depriving myself [02:31.58]I made the choice to live
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