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Your Horoscope For Today

歌手：Weird Al Yankovic
所属专辑：《The Essential Weird Al Yankovic》

歌曲：Your Horoscope For Today
文本歌词：
AQUARIUS!There's travel in your future when your tongue freezesto the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing
Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day
PISCES!Try to avoid any
Virgos or
Leos with the
Ebola virus
You are the true
Lord of the
Dance, no matter whatthose idiots at work say
ARIES!The look on your face will be priceless when you findthat 40-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give ahickey to
Meryl Streep
TAURUS!You will never find true happiness - what you gonnado, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunchof stuff and then go back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
GEMINI!Your birthday party will be ruined once again by yourexplosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble your fiancehurls a javelin through your chest
CANCER!The position of
Jupiter says that you should spend therest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose whiletaking your driver's test
LEO!Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt andstaple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash itdown with a gallon of strawberry
QuikVIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent -except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up withyour head impaled upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very leasta bit unlikely that the relative position of the planetsand the stars could have a special deep significance ormeaning that exclusively applies to only you, but letme give you my assurance that these forecasts andpredictions are all based on solid, scientific, documentedevidence, so you would have to be some kind ofmoron not to realize that every single one of them isabsolutely true.
Where was
I?LIBRA!A big promotion is just around the corner for someonemuch more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember thatwhen your appendix bursts next week
SCORPIO!Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fallscreaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving yourlow self esteem, you stupid freak
SAGITTARIU
S!All your friends are laughing behind your back...kill them
Take down all those naked pictures of
Ernest Borgnineyou've got hanging in your den
CAPRICORN!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderfulperson... but you know they're lying
If I were you,
I'd lock my doors and windows and nevernever never never never leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today

歌曲：Your Horoscope For Today
lrc歌词：
AQUARIUS!There's travel in your future when your tongue freezesto the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing
Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day
PISCES!Try to avoid any
Virgos or
Leos with the
Ebola virus
You are the true
Lord of the
Dance, no matter whatthose idiots at work say
ARIES!The look on your face will be priceless when you findthat 40-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give ahickey to
Meryl Streep
TAURUS!You will never find true happiness - what you gonnado, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunchof stuff and then go back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
GEMINI!Your birthday party will be ruined once again by yourexplosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble your fiancehurls a javelin through your chest
CANCER!The position of
Jupiter says that you should spend therest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose whiletaking your driver's test
LEO!Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt andstaple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash itdown with a gallon of strawberry
QuikVIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent -except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up withyour head impaled upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very leasta bit unlikely that the relative position of the planetsand the stars could have a special deep significance ormeaning that exclusively applies to only you, but letme give you my assurance that these forecasts andpredictions are all based on solid, scientific, documentedevidence, so you would have to be some kind ofmoron not to realize that every single one of them isabsolutely true.
Where was
I?LIBRA!A big promotion is just around the corner for someonemuch more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember thatwhen your appendix bursts next week
SCORPIO!Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fallscreaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving yourlow self esteem, you stupid freak
SAGITTARIU
S!All your friends are laughing behind your back...kill them
Take down all those naked pictures of
Ernest Borgnineyou've got hanging in your den
CAPRICORN!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderfulperson... but you know they're lying
If I were you,
I'd lock my doors and windows and nevernever never never never leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today

Your Horoscope For Today

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