[00:04.44]In the community that stresses macho male sexual stories
[00:07.64]as a high of all conversation
[00:10.04]I was an under-developed immature fat little dude
[00:12.78]that never got laid
[00:14.07]and was constantly razzed:
[00:16.58]“Oh, poor little kid!”
[00:18.61]It bothered me more so
[00:20.12]because I was horny and frequently had to
[00:22.24]make up stories like
[00:23.86]“Uh…when I went on vacation I met this chick
[00:26.40]and we ****ed and she loved it!”
[00:28.21]Etcetera, etcetera…
[00:30.29]This typical pubescent problem was an effector
[00:32.66]during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
[00:35.79]You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story
[00:39.66]And so, I moved to both grandparents and
[00:42.19]four sets of aunts' and uncles'
[00:43.85]and so fourth and so on within the year
[00:46.58]And in eight grade
[00:47.32]my mom had no choice to take me in
[00:49.03]because my dad packed my stuff and
[00:50.56]drove me to her house in the morning
[00:52.02]and left me there
[00:53.80]She was pissed
[00:56.60]I accumulated quite a healthy complex
[00:59.21]not to mention the complexion
[01:01.52]Then one day I discover the most ultimate form
[01:03.71]of expression ever——
[01:05.70]Marijua**
[01:07.51]Oh boy, POT!
[01:08.68]I could escape all day long and not have to
[01:11.17]have routine nervous breakdowns once a week
[01:14.39]Only being stoned for the first few time was
[01:16.34]what I claimed as sth I would do for the rest of my life
[01:20.05]And I would practically do anything
[01:21.49]to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed
[01:26.22]Trevor was a guy I hated
[01:27.74]but resorted to becoming friends with
[01:29.50]because he was the only person I could get pot from
[01:32.55]He was the kingpin
[01:34.23]Trevor, Ace, John and Derren
[01:36.20]All white-trash, lowlife scums of the earth
[01:38.38]according to the jocks
[01:39.39]had been going to this girl's house after school
[01:41.66]and they invited me
[01:43.61]We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
[01:46.59]It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour
[01:48.55]that this girl seemed kind of quite
[01:50.70]Until one of the guys pointed out that
[01:52.12]she was in a special-ed class
[01:55.35]I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a retard
[01:58.09]and some just slow
[01:59.40]And at this time, and still to this day
[02:00.84]I would call her quiet and illiterate
[02:02.77]but not retarded
[02:05.08]The object of the guys
[02:06.00]who had been going there for the past month
[02:07.74]was to steal booze
[02:08.60]from the downstairs basement den of her house
[02:11.78]While others distracted her
[02:12.99]by opening covers and doors
[02:14.32]and returned to eat all the food
[02:15.86]One would go down and take a fifth
[02:17.60]and then exit out the downstairs
[02:20.00]So we'd do this routine every other day
[02:21.58]and got away with it for, oh, about a month
[02:24.38]And during that month it happened to be
[02:25.96]the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother
[02:28.94]It turned out that pot didn't help me escape
[02:30.98]my troubles too well anymore
[02:32.46]and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things
[02:34.78]like stealing booze and busting store windows and-
[02:37.73]And nothing ever mattered
[02:39.26]I decided within the next month
[02:40.63]I'll not sit on the roof and think about jumping
[02:42.67]But I'll actually kill myself
[02:44.56]And I wasn't going out from this world
[02:45.89]without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
[02:50.38]So one day after school
[02:51.28]I went to the girl's house alone and invited myself in
[02:54.32]and she offered me some twinkies
[02:55.89]And I sat on her lap and I said
[02:57.67]“Let's ****”
[02:59.68]And I touched her t*ts and she went into her bedroom
[03:01.11]and got undressed in front of me
[03:03.16]And I watched and realised that
[03:04.33]it was actually happening
[03:05.78]So I tried to **** her but didn't know how
[03:07.52]and I asked her if she had ever done this before
[03:10.13]And she said “A lot of times”
[03:11.22]It's mainly with her cousin
[03:13.41]I got groseed out very heavily
[03:15.03]with how her vagi** smelled and her sweat reeked
[03:17.69]So I left
[03:19.28]My conscience grew to where
[03:20.29]I couldn't go to school for a week
[03:21.84]and when I went back
[03:22.67]I got in-house suspension for skipping
[03:25.01]And that day
[03:25.50]the girl's father came in and screaming
[03:27.26]and accusing someone of
[03:28.20]taking advantage of his daughter
[03:31.38]And so during lunch, a rumour started
[03:32.85]and by the next day
[03:34.27]Everyone was waiting for me to
[03:35.57]yell and cuss and spit at me
[03:36.89](and)callin' me “the retard-****er”
[03:40.41]I coudn't handle the ridicule
[03:41.77]So I got high and drunk
[03:43.32]and walked down to the train tracks and laid down
[03:45.44]And put two big pieces of cement
[03:47.01]on my chest and legs
[03:47.99]and I waited for the eleven o'clock train
[03:50.66]And the train came closer and closer and closer
[03:52.71]And it went on the next track besides me
[03:55.13]insted of over me
[03:57.51]The tension from school had an effect on me
[04:00.32]and so I coudn't attend the school anymore
[04:02.68]And the train scared me enough to rehabilitate myself
[04:05.22]and my…My lifting weights an-and mathematics
[04:08.88]seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed
[04:12.00]But still haven't had any freinds
[04:13.18]because I…I hate everyone…
[04:16.29]for they were so phoney