3 Hours With A Close-Up Magician
 作曲 : Tom Cardy
 Hey girl, I think you're really cool
 And it would be gravy if you would be my baby, baby
 But don't worry because I know the rules
 I gotta court you, baby, before you are my lady, baby

 Would you look at the time? It's half past champagne
 On a hill, while the sun sets, and we watch an aeroplane write your name
 And then it's back to the Shangri-La
 I bought you this new car 'n wrote you all this poetry, you love it, baby

 I know what girls like, that's why
 You don't have to ask, I've saved the best 'til last

 Three hours with a close-up magician
 "What?"
 Shut the **** up, he's about to start
 Three hours with a Craigslist magician
 Pick a card, any card, choose any card
 Not that one!

 (Close) He's gonna do things (Close-up) that bend your mind (Magic)
 With his tiny foam balls, and an almost-full deck of cards
 When seducing you is my ultimate mission
 You know, you're getting three hours with a close-up magi— (Oh, yeah!)

 Tell me girl, do you like magic?
 "Not really"
 Well, thank god your boyfriend hired a
 Close-up magician
 I get right up in your face
 Don't give a damn about your personal space
 Now you're in my workplace
 Was your card the three of hearts?
 "No." ****!

 He started telling us his mother's in remission
 Now he's crying, what an aphrodisiac
 This close-up magician
 Drops his stupid deck of cards, we watch him trip and fall hard
 His pants fall down, I would be lying if I said he had stopped crying (Sad)

 Three hours with a close-up magician
 Four of clubs? "No"
 Ace of hearts? "No"
 My driver's license? "No"
 An UNO card? "No." ****!
 Three hours with a close-up magician
 I know you're happy to stay, so babe, I'm happy to pay for
 Six hours with a close-up magician
 We're gonna prestidigitate until the break of dawn
 Your whole life with a close-up magician
 He's almost finished guessing your card wrong
 Ace of diamonds? "No." ****!

 Close-up magi-ician
 Close-up magi-ician
 Close-up magi-ician

 Three hours, six hours, turns quickly into life
 He sleeps between us at night with a big knife
 He dreams (Ooh) with both eyes open (Ooh, ah)
 And periodically screams (Ooh, ah)
 Because in his dreams he's forced to do far-away magic

 (Close) Seven years (Close-up)
 The changing of seasons (Magic)
 He says he's gotta live rent free with us
 For super secret magic reasons (No)
 He is not homeless (Not unhoused)
 You doubt him too much, girl (Just magic)
 He senses your disbelief, and he's finally had enough

 He knows what girls like, that's why
 We float into the night sky
 You can't believe your eyes
 It's a vanishing act, he's saved the best 'til last

 Goodbye, from your close-up magician
 Three hours with a close-up magician
 Behind the couch, is that our close-up magician?
 Please don't look there, that must be a different magician
 His pants fell down again, poor close-up magician
 That's just part of the trick, what a cool close-up magician
 Please, stop crying, little close-up magician
 Your whole life with a close-up mag— close-up mag— (Yes)

 Three hours with a close-up magician
 Girl, I knew you'd come around to the magic
 Three hours with a close-up magician
 Maybe now he'll stop doing card tricks
 Or maybe not
 Six hours with a close-up magician
 We're gonna prestidigitate until our faces melt
 Your whole life with a close-up magician
 We'd better buy this C.U.M. a belt
 (Close-up magi-ician)